listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
