I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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