Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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