Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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