I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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