Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
