just tell him i said nine months
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
