i just wanna soil my oats bro
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
