stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
