my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize