Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
