Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
