my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
