You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
