i permit you to call me
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
