I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize