That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
