DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize