I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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