i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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