Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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