i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
