dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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