i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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