I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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