I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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