i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
only you would photoshop your dick
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize