so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
