After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
