Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
