I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Last time i carry you out of a forest
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Your penis caused this!
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