I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
