i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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