I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
