i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize