you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
