Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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