He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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