Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
