btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
