she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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