So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
