Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
