I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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