dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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