matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize