The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
