hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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