You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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