First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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