we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
