omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
