On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
