Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
