she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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