i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
