That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
