your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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