Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
