if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
