i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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