I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
