Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I smell like Dick and happiness
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
