You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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