Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
