ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
