I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
