I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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