I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
