is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize