Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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