I wannas sexs uuuuu
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
honey bunches of taint.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
