Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
