This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
