Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize