My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
