HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
