Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
