Are we in a gay sports bar?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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