The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We talked him into tasing himself.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
