If that was your dad, he is hot
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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