He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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