She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
