I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
