I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize