Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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