So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
The ass gains better be worth it
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