There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
