I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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