You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
