I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
