I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
