I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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