So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
