Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
it was like eating out sand paper
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
