There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
