Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
