Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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