I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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