I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
