he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
