You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
At least life still wants to fuck me.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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