Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
