At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
